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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Random Rants about way too many things!

Hey!

Lots of things tend to get to us emotionally, throw us off our game, and just plain piss us off!

Here's a quick list of my main peeves, and the people who deserve to drown in dead pig puree..


  1. Vegans, or anyone who is way too vigilant about their eating habits. Guess what? Dietary choices are kinda like religion: we are free to choose which way we want to live our lives, and you have no right ramming your beliefs down my throat. It's good you have a natural way of keeping your body functioning properly, but that doesn't mean you need to either start a cult based on sprouts, or look down on me because I'm eating Prime Rib.. 
  2. Gluten-free jack-offs! Unless you have good authority on the fact that you can't actually digest wheat protein, eat the fucking bowl of Wheat Thins and shut up! I'll stop eating wheat bread and drinking Hefeweizen beer (unfiltered wheat brew) once a doctor tells me it's causing damage to my intestines. I don't follow the "crowd" because it seems like the cool thing to do, it's not and you're not. 
  3. iPhone snobs. Yes, it's a neat contraption and no, I'm not "mad" because I can't afford one. It's the same price as any phone, and yet I choose not to be a sheep. Besides, Steve Wozniak (who helped Mr. Jobs build Apple) thinks Android devices are better for most of the things iPhones are supposed to be so awesome at. By the way, notification pop-ups and having that bar you can swipe down from the top, that's an Android function. Who's copying who? Siri? Google had voice commands and search since day 1. Maybe the 6th phone, dubbed "iPhone 5", will actually be an updated device, not just a slight refresh that still can't multi-task..
  4. The corn lobby and this whole "It's the same as sugar" bullshit they spew.. Really? Last I checked, high fructose corn syrup is man-made processed poison. Nothing you can say can change my mind, the studies that prove it, and the many fat asses that shovel that shit into their faces every chance they get, and wonder why they have metabolic issues (diabetes, high blood pressure, low thyroid output, did I mention being FAT?)
  5. Porn.. Not really a rant, just drew a blank. Besides, this is the internet, I said "Porn", you didn't pay me for that quip, so there you go. Free internet porn. You're welcome..
  6. Why is it that at any gathering or public area, if a fat guy or an out of shape guy has his shirt off, it's just because it's hot outside. If I did it, I'm "showing off", "compensating", "full of myself".. Sorry, my bad, I should just stop working out and get fat and bloated like the rest of you. And just because my shirt fits me snug in a few key areas does not mean I purposely purchased a shirt too small. That is just dumb, my wife-to-be knows I'm not in any way "compensating", and maybe you should try getting in shape before judging someone who takes care of themselves and happens to like the cosmetic effect working out has bestowed upon him. I'm sexy and I know it, bitch!
Well, I think I'm good for now. It's always a good idea to vent every so often, just let all that undue stress out, relax, and look for a little fun. Look more at the comical aspect of this post, thin about how things that piss you off can be hilarious, and life is better for that!

Now, put down the fuckin' iPhone and share some of that free porn we talked about!! ;-)